Premarital sex, why not?
By Don W. Hillis.

"Only a fool would tell a teen- ager to stop thinking about sex," says Ann Landers." They are thinking about sex and will continue to think about it. What they need is sound information so they will know how to think about it ".

" Sex is a great thing," says John Brown. " It is here to stay. It is a sure winner in almost any conversation". So let us converse about it. But instead of asking , why not premarital sex? Let's ask- why pre-marital sex?.

Three answers call for attention!


1. Sex is fun - it's pure pleasure. This attitude is as old as man is old and as human as man is human. You are out of date if you think it has been left to our progressive twentieth century to discover that sex is fun. In spite of the descriptive wealth of the english language and all the scholarship of this age we have produced no new meaningful adjectives to express the fun aspect of sex. Whatever adjectives we may use , they mean the same as those that were used in Sodom and Gomorrah or, for that matter, in the days before the flood. This stems from the unchanging premise that human nature has never been anything but human nature. Circumstances, conditions and cultures changes. The basic nature of man does not. With the failure of Adam and Eve in Eden, human nature became egocentric and apart from becoming "a new creature in Christ, it has always been and always will stay that way.

But wait! To say that premarital sex is pure pleasure is only half the truth. Who told you it was pure? Furthermore it is an expression of an Eat - drink- and-be- merry-for - tomorrow-we-die- ideology. The Philosophers refer to as hedonism, which holds that pleasure is the chief end of life. And what could be more egocentric than that?

" Sex is not just a pleasure , it is a treasure". Like other treasures, it needs to be guarded carefully and invested wisely if significant dividend are to be gained from it.

Let's close in on the statement " Sex is fun." Driving a car is also fun. But who is there to suggest that it does not involve serious responsibilities. There is lots of room for dangerous mistakes. That is why the fun of driving is protected by strict laws. Driving remains fun only when the laws are obeyed.

And is it conceivable that either the use or abuse of sex would carry with it any less responsibility?. Obviously, the analogy is week. While the misuse of driving privileges may culminate in serious dangers and even death, it falls fall short of the destructive results which degrade human personality when sex is abused.

Money is also fun. But it is good to remember that there are right and wrong ways to obtain it. The wrong way is called stealing and though it may be temporarily successful and even thrilling, it is not satisfying. A person who steals becomes a fugitive. He spends his life running. He runs from the law. He runs from the society and he tries to run from himself.

Legitimate and illegitimate use of sex

There are also legitimate and illegitimate use of sex. The illegitimate use is called fornication and though it may be exciting it is not really satisfying. Illegitimacy makes a moral fugitive out of a person. He is always trying to Runaway from his conscience and that is a bit difficult.

The only legitimate place for intercourse is within the warm, peaceful and unhurried confines of married love. Intercourse does not make love meaningful: loves makes intercourse meaningful. In the full orbe of a happy marriage, sex is secondary.

A second argument in favor of premarital sex is that sex is a normal appetite. And so it is. But so are sleeping and eating. Sleeping is a pleasurable , God- given appetite. But even this simple Exercise is protected by healthy psychological principles. A new born baby may sleep 18 out of 24 hours. That is good for him. It contributes to the health and growth of his body. On the other hand, a strong man may be awake 18 out of 24 hours. For the man to sleep 18 hours would make a useless sluggard out of him. For the baby to be awake 18 hours would ruin his health.

So it is in the realm of eating. There are things to eat and things not to eat, times to eat and times not to eat. God has so designed the digestive system that it will digest some things and regurgitate others.

You do not have to look far to discover that this delightful indoor sport of eating is abused by many. Any such abuse has a tendency to ruin health and shorten life. The redeeming factor of that abuse (if it can be called redeeming) lies in the fact that it affects only the individual who has indulged in it. Sexual relations, however, always involve two people. Sex leaves its effects on two lives. Further more, it involves the complete man: body, soul and spirit. More than any other appetite, it needs to be controlled because of the very fact that its abuse is so devastating.

Situation ethics presents the third argument in favor of premarital intercourse. It contends that there are certain situations which make premarital sex not only pleasurable but right. They lift it out of the realm of the immoral. They change it from black to white and from false to true.

This new morality philosophy argues that things are not right or wrong in themselves. The rightness or wrongness of any act depends up on the situation and motivation of the actors. The argument is that there are times when it would be immoral for a young man to hold a young lady's hand, because the motivation is wrong. On the other hand there are situations in which it would be perfectly right and moral for an unmarried young couple to sleep together, because "love" motivates them.

Such a premise leads to the conclusion that the rightness or wrongness of of all action is subjective. There is no objective morality. One is not left to say that "black is black because at this moment I want it to be black". He can't say, "Two times two four because two times two is four." He can only say,"Two times two equals four because I want it to equal four, and at this moment I do not want it to equal four." If such a thesis were applied to the science , it would through them in to utter confusion and make them useless.

New morality is another way of suggesting that every man should do what is right in his own eyes. And frankly that idea is archaic. This playboy philosophy is creature-centered ( instead of Creator-centered ), and leads to depraved morality. It is based upon the relativity of moral goodness. It rejects divine standards. It assumes that man is good and fails to recognize the sinful propensities of human nature.

There is no place in the Scriptures for situation ethics. The moral laws of God are as immutable as the character of God. In fact, they grow out of His character. Call it by any other name, sin is always sin in His eyes. He has spoken harsh words of judgements against those who call right Wrong and wrong right. God has nothing but condemnation for those Call good evil and evil good.

The unalterable position of God's moral standards is revealed in the Scriptures by precept and illustration. " You shall not commit aduletry" is as unchangeable in the economy of God as " You shall not worship Any graven image" or You shall not steal." These are God's precepts. In the biographies of Joseph and David we observe vivid illustrations of the Bible view of situation ethics.

Joseph was a servant in Potiphar's house. Potifar's wife sought sexual Relation with him. He refused. Finally, she became desperate. She endeavored to force him to comply. He fled from the scene, only to be falsely accused and thrown in to prison. It is obvious that the situation could hardly have been better for Joseph to have had intercourse with potifar's wife and still rationalize his act. After all, he was only a servant. His responsibility was to obey orders , whether they came from his master or mistress. But Joseph obstinately refused. And that, on the pure and simple grounds that he would not " sin against God ".The extent to which God honored Joseph for this stand is clearly revealed in the remaining portion of his biography.

Turning to David, we find him also in a position in which it was easy to rationalize his way in to extramarital relations with a woman who was not his wife. As he watched Bathsheba bathe, he lusted after her. He doubtless reasoned that even if she was another man's wife, there was no reason why he should not indulge himself with her. Was he not the king of Israel?. Did he not have royal rights and privileges that superseded human rights and relationships?. Who was there to tell him he could not sleep with any female in his realm whom he might lust after?.

David did obtain his objective. But it did not end there. Blatant deceit, despicable murder, and finally horrible exposure followed in quick succession. Not until David repented with strong crying and tears was he restored to fellowship with God. In spite of this, scars were left in his life and in the lives of his family. If you could have asked David six months after this episode what he thought of situation ethics, He would have told you in strong terms that there is no place for it in God's economy. ' Whatever a man sows, that shall he also reap" is not relative. IT IS IMMUTABLE.


AND GOD IS AGAINST FORNICATION. He says so very clearly.

Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. And God has both raised up the Lord, and will also raise up us by his own power. Know you not that your bodies are the members of Christ?. Shall I then take the Members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot?. God forbid. What? Know you not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body?. For two, says he, Shall be one flesh. But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.

FLEE FORNICATION. Every sins that a man does is without the body; but HE THAT COMMITS FORNICATION SINS AGAINST HIS OWN BODY. ( 1Cor. 6: 13b-18)

This sin against your body can lead to venereal disease. There are more than 1,000,000 new cases of gonorrhea and 120,000 cases of syphilis reported in America every year. Sexual promiscuity seems to contain it's own backlash.


Any consideration of premarital intercourse would not be complete without answering the question what does it do to marriage? The bible leaves us with no if 's and buts in regard to marriage relationship. God did not have to look at Adam twice to know that he was an incomplete person.. He could not live alone. He needed a helpmate, someone very much like him, and yet different from him. Someone who could make his life complete and meaningful. Adam was too much below God to have perfect fellowship with Him, and too much above animals to have fellowship with them. For this reason , God made Eve out of Adam so that she might be a part from him but very much of him. She could have fellowship with him as no other being could have.

Marriage , then, is " two people becoming one , the establishment of the most unique of all human relationships." This oneness involves the whole being of both person's - physical, spiritual, emotional, volitional, and intellectual. Braun, refers to it as, " a three dimensional oneness-physical oneness ,a soul oneness, and spiritual oneness." Premarital sex has a tendency to devastate the entire personality. Fear, mistrust, self-denouncement and guilt are the inseparable companions of promiscuity. They ravage one's moral fiber and break down one's trust in himself as well as others. It is a dangerous things to invite fear, guilt and mistrust into the honeymoon cottage.

The answer is : keep yourself clean for the one who is to be your " other half". You would not wear a dress or a suit that is half clean and half dirty. If you did no one would notice the clean parts; the dirty parts would be preeminent.

The bible admonishes us to keep our hearts pure for out of them are the issues of life ( Pro: 4:23 ) " Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God. ( Matt: 5:8 ) There are few things which contribute more to the happiness of marriage than bringing to it a clean heart and an undefiled body.

However if you have already yielded to the sin of premarital intercourse, there is a cleansing that comes with genuine repentance. You can begin married life with your sins forgiven. Get on your knees and call your premarital sex relationships by the same name God calls them ( fornication). Then, on the authority of God's promise claim forgiveness and thank Him for it ( 1 John.1 : 9) Be able to begin married life knowing that you are cleansed and forgiven. Then claim His strength to keep you true to Him and to your life partner everyday in your walk together. ( This assumes that you have been born in to the family of God by receiving the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Saviour)

( Taken from- Answers to " YOUTH HANGUPS "- Moody Press Chicago,1970).


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4. Pre-marital sex : Why not ?
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