Premarital sex, why not?
By Don W. Hillis.
"Only a fool would tell a teen- ager to stop thinking
about sex," says Ann Landers." They are thinking
about sex and will continue to think about it. What they
need is sound information so they will know how to think
about it ".
" Sex is a great thing," says John Brown. " It
is here to stay. It is a sure winner in almost any conversation".
So let us converse about it. But instead of asking , why
not premarital sex? Let's ask- why pre-marital sex?.
answers call for attention!
1. Sex is fun - it's pure pleasure. This
attitude is as old as man is old and as human as man is
human. You are
out of date if you think it has been left to our progressive
twentieth century to discover that sex is fun. In spite
of the descriptive wealth of the english language and all
the scholarship of this age we have produced no new meaningful
adjectives to express the fun aspect of sex. Whatever adjectives
we may use , they mean the same as those that were used
in Sodom and Gomorrah or, for that matter, in the days
before the flood. This stems from the unchanging premise
that human nature has never been anything but human nature.
Circumstances, conditions and cultures changes. The basic
nature of man does not. With the failure of Adam and Eve
in Eden, human nature became egocentric and apart from
becoming "a new creature in Christ, it has always
been and always will stay that way.
But wait! To say that
premarital sex is pure pleasure is only half the truth.
Who told you it was pure? Furthermore
it is an expression of an Eat - drink- and-be- merry-for
- tomorrow-we-die- ideology. The Philosophers refer to
as hedonism, which holds that pleasure is the chief end
of life. And what could be more egocentric than that?
" Sex is not just a pleasure , it is a treasure".
Like other treasures, it needs to be guarded carefully
and invested wisely if significant dividend are to be gained
Let's close in on the statement " Sex is fun." Driving
a car is also fun. But who is there to suggest that it
does not involve serious responsibilities. There is lots
of room for dangerous mistakes. That is why the fun of
driving is protected by strict laws. Driving remains fun
only when the laws are obeyed.
And is it conceivable that
either the use or abuse of sex would carry with it any
less responsibility?. Obviously,
the analogy is week. While the misuse of driving privileges
may culminate in serious dangers and even death, it falls
fall short of the destructive results which degrade human
personality when sex is abused.
Money is also fun. But
it is good to remember that there are right and wrong ways
to obtain it. The wrong way is
called stealing and though it may be temporarily successful
and even thrilling, it is not satisfying. A person who
steals becomes a fugitive. He spends his life running.
He runs from the law. He runs from the society and he tries
to run from himself.
Legitimate and illegitimate use of
There are also legitimate and illegitimate use of sex.
The illegitimate use is
called fornication and though it may be exciting it is not really satisfying.
Illegitimacy makes a moral fugitive out of a person. He is always trying to
Runaway from his conscience and that is a bit difficult.
The only legitimate place for intercourse
is within the warm, peaceful and unhurried confines of
Intercourse does not make love meaningful: loves makes
intercourse meaningful. In the full orbe of a happy marriage,
sex is secondary.
A NORMAL APPETITE.
A second argument in favor of premarital
sex is that sex is a normal appetite. And so it is. But
so are sleeping
and eating. Sleeping is a pleasurable , God- given appetite.
But even this simple Exercise is protected by healthy psychological
principles. A new born baby may sleep 18 out of 24 hours.
That is good for him. It contributes to the health and
growth of his body. On the other hand, a strong man may
be awake 18 out of 24 hours. For the man to sleep 18 hours
would make a useless sluggard out of him. For the baby
to be awake 18 hours would ruin his health.
So it is in
the realm of eating. There are things to eat and things
not to eat,
times to eat and times not to eat. God has so designed the digestive system
that it will digest some things and regurgitate others.
You do not have to look far to discover that this delightful
indoor sport of
eating is abused by many. Any such abuse has a tendency to ruin health and
shorten life. The redeeming factor of that abuse (if it
can be called redeeming)
lies in the fact that it affects only the individual who has indulged in it.
relations, however, always involve two people. Sex leaves its effects on two
Further more, it involves the complete man: body, soul and spirit. More than
other appetite, it needs to be controlled because of the very fact that its
is so devastating.
THE NEW MORALITY
Situation ethics presents the third argument in favor
of premarital intercourse. It contends that there are certain
situations which make premarital sex not only pleasurable
but right. They lift it out of the realm of the immoral.
They change it from black to white and from false to true.
This new morality philosophy argues that things are not right or wrong in themselves.
The rightness or wrongness
of any act depends up on the situation and motivation of
the actors. The argument is that there are times when it
would be immoral for a young man to hold a young lady's
hand, because the motivation is wrong. On the other hand
there are situations in which it would be perfectly right
and moral for an unmarried young couple to sleep together,
because "love" motivates them.
Such a premise leads to the conclusion that the rightness
or wrongness of of all action is subjective. There is no
objective morality. One is not left to say that "black
is black because at this moment I want it to be black".
He can't say, "Two times two four because two times
two is four." He can only say,"Two times two
equals four because I want it to equal four, and at this
moment I do not want it to equal four." If such a
thesis were applied to the science , it would through them
in to utter confusion and make them useless.
is another way of suggesting that every man should do what
is right in his own eyes. And frankly that
idea is archaic. This playboy philosophy is creature-centered
( instead of Creator-centered ), and leads to depraved
morality. It is based upon the relativity of moral goodness.
It rejects divine standards. It assumes that man is good
and fails to recognize the sinful propensities of human
There is no place in the Scriptures for situation
ethics. The moral laws of God are as immutable as the character
of God. In fact, they grow out of His character. Call it
by any other name, sin is always sin in His eyes. He has
spoken harsh words of judgements against those who call
right Wrong and wrong right. God has nothing but condemnation
for those Call good evil and evil good.
position of God's moral standards is revealed in the Scriptures
by precept and illustration. " You
shall not commit aduletry" is as unchangeable in the
economy of God as " You shall not worship Any graven
image" or You shall not steal." These are God's
precepts. In the biographies of Joseph and David we observe
vivid illustrations of the Bible view of situation ethics.
Joseph was a servant in Potiphar's house. Potifar's wife
sought sexual Relation with him. He refused. Finally, she
became desperate. She endeavored to force him to comply.
He fled from the scene, only to be falsely accused and
thrown in to prison. It is obvious that the situation could
hardly have been better for Joseph
to have had intercourse with potifar's wife and still rationalize
his act. After all, he was only a servant. His responsibility
was to obey orders , whether
they came from his master or mistress. But Joseph obstinately refused. And
that, on the pure and simple grounds that he would not " sin against God ".The
extent to which God honored Joseph for this stand is clearly revealed in the
remaining portion of his biography.
Turning to David, we find him also in a
position in which it was easy to rationalize his way in to extramarital relations
with a woman who was not his wife. As he watched Bathsheba
bathe, he lusted after her. He doubtless reasoned that
even if she was another man's wife, there was no reason
why he should not indulge himself with her. Was he not
the king of Israel?. Did he not have royal rights and privileges
that superseded human rights and relationships?. Who was
tell him he could not sleep with any female in his realm whom he might lust
David did obtain his objective. But it did not end there.
Blatant deceit, despicable murder, and finally horrible
exposure followed in quick succession. Not until David
repented with strong crying and tears was he restored to
fellowship with God. In spite of this, scars were left
in his life and in the lives of his family. If you could
have asked David six months after this episode what he
thought of situation ethics, He would have told you in
strong terms that there is no place for it in
God's economy. ' Whatever a man sows, that shall he also
reap" is not
relative. IT IS IMMUTABLE.
YOU MAY CALL PREMARITAL SEX "FUN" -GOD
CALLS IT FORNICATION.
YOU MAY CALL IT "SLEEPING WITH A GIRL" -GOD CALLS IT FORNICATION.
YOU MAY CALL IT "NEW MORALITY" - GOD CALLS IT FORNICATION.
YOU MAY CALL IT "FREE LOVE" - GOD CALLS IT FORNICATION.
YOU MAY CALL IT "SITUATION ETHICS" -GOD CALLS IT FORNICATION.
AND GOD IS AGAINST FORNICATION. He says so very clearly.
Now the body is not
for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.
And God has both raised up the Lord, and will also raise up us by his own power.
Know you not that your bodies are the members of Christ?. Shall I then take
Members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot?. God forbid. What?
Know you not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body?. For two, says
he, Shall be one flesh. But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.
FLEE FORNICATION. Every sins that a man does is without the body; but HE THAT
COMMITS FORNICATION SINS AGAINST
HIS OWN BODY.
( 1Cor. 6: 13b-18)
This sin against your body can lead to venereal disease.
There are more than
1,000,000 new cases of gonorrhea and 120,000 cases of syphilis reported in
America every year. Sexual promiscuity seems to contain it's own backlash.
EFFECTS ON MARRIAGE.
Any consideration of premarital intercourse would not
be complete without
answering the question what does it do to marriage? The bible leaves us with
no if 's and buts in regard to marriage relationship. God did not have to look
at Adam twice to know that he was an incomplete person.. He could not
live alone. He needed a helpmate, someone very much like him, and yet
different from him. Someone who could make his life complete and meaningful.
Adam was too much below God to have perfect fellowship with Him, and too much
above animals to have fellowship with them. For this reason , God made Eve
out of Adam so that she might be a part from him but very much of him. She
could have fellowship with him as no other being could have.
Marriage , then,
is " two people becoming one , the
establishment of the most
unique of all human relationships." This oneness involves
the whole being of
both person's - physical, spiritual, emotional, volitional, and intellectual.
refers to it as, " a three dimensional oneness-physical oneness ,a soul
and spiritual oneness." Premarital sex has a tendency to devastate the
personality. Fear, mistrust, self-denouncement and guilt are the inseparable
companions of promiscuity. They ravage one's moral fiber and break down one's
trust in himself as well as others. It is a dangerous things to invite fear,
guilt and mistrust into the honeymoon cottage.
The answer is : keep yourself
clean for the one who is to be your " other half". You would not
wear a dress or a suit that is half clean and half dirty. If
you did no one would notice the clean parts; the dirty
parts would be preeminent.
The bible admonishes us to keep
our hearts pure for out of them are the issues
of life ( Pro: 4:23 ) " Blessed are the pure in heart
for they shall see God. ( Matt: 5:8 ) There are few things
which contribute more to the happiness
of marriage than bringing to it a clean heart and an undefiled body.
if you have already yielded to the sin of premarital intercourse,
there is a cleansing that comes with genuine
repentance. You can begin married life with your sins forgiven.
Get on your knees and call your premarital sex relationships
by the same name God calls them ( fornication). Then, on
the authority of God's promise claim forgiveness and thank
Him for it ( 1 John.1 : 9) Be able to begin married life
knowing that you are cleansed and forgiven. Then claim
His strength to keep you true to Him and to your life partner
in your walk together. ( This assumes that you have been born in to the family
of God by receiving the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Saviour)
from- Answers to " YOUTH HANGUPS "-
Moody Press Chicago,1970).
1. Today is the day.
2. The Cause of suffering.
3. Pornography - Wy should you avoid it?
4. Pre-marital sex : Why not ?
5. Why does God allow Evil ?
6. How to control thought life.
7. Depression Self Help for a
World Wide Problem.